Head Cold

The sickness I have refuses to heal

And although in my mind, this sickness is real.

I feel claustrophobic and afraid of tight spaces

When it makes an appearance, it overtakes me.

I am pushed in the corner against my own strength,

And I fall victim to no one but self.

Just do what you want, face the consequence later…

When I’m sober again that’s when shame’s at its greatest!

And I’m making my plans to quit losing so much,

And when life’s at its hardest, that’s when I need her soft touch,

I need a friend when my loneliness sets in.

So I relapse again, but with it comes shame.

It’s a cycle that traps me in its complications

And if I had access to some, I would be medicated.

But the medicine, whether liquid or smoke,

Will never heal completely; just rob me of my moment.

This very moment that I want to escape, I could not.

The sickness that I tried to medicate can only be fought!

And sometimes there’s no strength, and I forget to cry out

To the one who gives me breath, to the one who pulled me out of my hell,

Rescued me from myself,

The one who gives me strength, and good things to replace the broken things.

I have no room for them now!

But a moment that brings an opportunity to fall down

How many times do I fall?

I can see the stumbling block it’s not even hiding at all!

I can see the dark alleys that scream about danger

And like a sheep to the slaughter, I follow.

Escape is not an option anymore.

It’s time to prepare for a war.

I declare war on myself.

This hostile takeover will not leave with anything less

But my allies are God, and the amazing many

Who have my back.

No matter what.

It’s time to fight.

My freedom at stake.

And despite my many mistakes

I can learn from them now;

They’re no longer my shame

And this game that I play is not even a game…

It’s my life.

My mind that is full of its sickness

Is no longer a struggle but a patient to be healed.